ADHD Affects Emotional Development in School-Aged Children”
How ADHD Affects Emotional Development in School-Aged Children”
When we talk about ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), we usually focus on behaviours like fidgeting, forgetfulness, and getting distracted. However, there's a deeper difference in the brain that affects how young people develop emotionally and socially. One key aspect of ADHD that often gets overlooked is how it can cause delays in important skills like planning, controlling emotions, and making decisions. Research shows that kids with ADHD may be up to 30% behind their peers in these skills, which can be like being seven years behind for some teenagers. ( Barkley 2015)
To better understand this, think of the part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which is like the brain's manager. This area helps with controlling impulses, planning, managing emotions, making decisions, and understanding social situations. In kids with ADHD, this part of the brain tends to develop more slowly, and this difference is noticeable in their behaviour.
How ADHD Affects Emotional Development in Children
In this video, we explore how ADHD impacts emotional development in children and teens, and why their reactions to school, friendships, and stress might seem "younger" than their age. You’ll learn how the brain's prefrontal cortex develops more slowly in neurodiverse children, and how that affects emotions, impulse control, social understanding, and self-worth.
The Seven-Year Lag: What Does It Mean?
Let’s break it down. If a 13-year-old child with ADHD is functioning emotionally more like a 6-year-old, we must ask ourselves: what does this mean in a classroom, playground, or during a GCSE mock exam?
It means that the child may:
Struggle with transitions, such as moving between lessons or coping with changes in routine.
Have explosive emotional outbursts or meltdown-style reactions that seem out of step with their age.
Misread social cues, causing conflict or rejection from peers.
Lack the foresight to understand consequences, which can be mistaken for defiance.
Feel deeply ashamed or “behind”, which can foster low self-esteem and self-criticism.
All of this can leave the child feeling isolated, confused, and increasingly anxious as they become more aware of the gap between themselves and their peers.
The Emotional Toll in School Environments
Schools are, by design, structured environments that reward compliance, self-management, and independence—traits governed by the superior colliculis, which is the part of the brain that is underdeveloped in ADHD. A neurotypical child may grasp that a poor result is a prompt to try harder. A child with ADHD might see it as yet more proof that they are “stupid,” “lazy,” or “bad.”
Without appropriate support, this mismatch can lead to:
School avoidance or refusal
Persistent anxiety
Negative peer interactions
Exclusion or disciplinary measures
Internalised shame or masking behaviours
Masking—where a child mimics neurotypical behaviours to avoid stigma—can be exhausting and harmful in the long term. As Dr. Gabor Maté (2021) notes, the emotional wounds of ADHD are often more painful than the symptoms themselves.
Supporting the ADHD Brain
The key is to stop expecting the child to “act their age,” and instead, meet them where they are developmentally. Some practical interventions include:
Regulation support: Provide calming tools or break spaces, and help the child recognise and name emotions.
Scaffolded independence: Break tasks into chunks with regular check-ins.
Peer education: Foster a culture of neurodiversity acceptance to reduce stigma.
Reframing discipline: Shift from punitive to restorative approaches—see behaviour as communication, not defiance.
Therapeutic intervention: Trauma-informed therapy or ADHD-focused coaching can make a transformative difference.
Teach to the level: have mixed age groups dependant on intellectual and emotional levels.
With the right help...
Many children with ADHD can catch up in their development—even if it’s not a smooth journey. It’s important for teachers, parents, and doctors to realise that emotional delays are not just bad behaviour. They are a part of how the brain works, and they need understanding, flexibility, and patience.
By seeing the 7-year delay as a difference rather than a problem, we can create spaces where children with ADHD not only get through school but also learn to succeed and flourish.
If you are interested to learn more about ADHD and neurodiversity you can find us on Youtube where we have an abundance of informational videos that you may enjoy.
Thank you for reading our blog.
Stay Quirky , Stay Brilliant !! 🧠🌈✨
Mrs Kelly Young DipHE Social Sciences
Neurodiverse Consultant
Neurodiversity Support
References for this article about ADHD are as follows.
References:
Barkley, R. A. (2015). Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete Authoritative Guide for Parents. The Guilford Press.
Barkley, R. A. (2008). Executive Functions: What They Are, How They Work, and Why They Evolved. The Guilford Press.
Maté, G. (2021). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture. Penguin Life.
Brown, T. E. (2005). Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults. Yale University Press.
Hinshaw, S. P., & Ellison, K. (2016). ADHD: What Everyone Needs to Know. Oxford University Press.
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